Ladybug, I don’t know what you were up to before you were born. If you were anxiously counting down the days to meet us or if you busied yourself with other pre-baby things. I don’t know what kind of person you were or would be without me. What I do know is that meeting you changed my life in the best way imaginable.
Before I became a mother, I didn’t really have any desire to have kids. If I’m completely honest with myself, I liked the idea of being selfish. I could be careless and irresponsible without many repercussions. Life was much easier without the prospect of looking after little ones.
I slept in every chance I got and paid little attention to my health. I immersed myself in work and school and projects while neglecting other facets of my life. My vanity wouldn’t let me be caught dead without my hair and makeup done up. I let petty things get to me and surrounded myself with drama and negative people. I rushed through life haphazardly.
I lived for me and only me.
And then you came into my life and the impact it had was equivalent to being hit by a high speed train. My life was completely derailed and I was forced into a completely different direction. And I loved it.
You literally turned my life upside down. Most days, I consider it a success if I remember to put on a bit of mascara before running out the door and balance has become a core value in my life. Because I am no longer living for me. I have other people, namely you, that depend on me and my ability to take care of you.
You know what, Ladybug?
I love my life so much more now than I ever did before. I have joy now regardless of any of my circumstances. Negativity doesn’t phase me – I can’t afford that luxury. Seeing the light in your eyes brings me much more gratification than excelling in school or work or sports. A Saturday spent home with you sleeping on my chest is so much more fun than going out. It’s like the center of my entire existence has sharply changed to you.
Being a mother has been the hardest role for me to take on but is also the most rewarding. It has given me the opportunity to wipe my slate clean (courtesy of all the baby slobber you provide) and give myself a new identity. I constantly have to search myself for strength and learn new things about myself in order to keep up with you. You are truly a force to be reckoned with and I am always striving to be a better version of myself for you, Ladybug.
Thank you for that.