The Inevitable Apology

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The day you apologize, you’ll be drowned out by wind and rain.

Because when you say I’m sorry, it’s as sad as those forgotten pennies scattered through parking lots. There are so many of them scattered all over the place and each is just as lusterless and of little worth as the next. How could your apology mean anything when the abuse you inflicted meant nothing to you?

Because when you say I’m sorry, I know what you really mean is that you won’t stop. Maybe for now. Maybe to me. But there will always be others. After all, predators grow bored without a hunt and it isn’t like you to starve yourself.

You’ll manipulate and twist others until they hit their breaking point. Until they become so unrecognizable even to themselves that they feel like withering away. Just like you did to me.

Then, you’ll cast them aside along with the other skeletons in your closet.

But I am not a skeleton or a ghost. I am much more alive than that. I am the monster that lurks under your bed. A reminder of the danger that you created for yourself. Embodying the fear and remorse you should feel before falling asleep every night.

 

When you say I’m sorry, I won’t care because this is what forgiveness looks like when you’ve taken advantage of it so many times before. This is me letting go of you and everything you’ve done to me so I don’t have to carry the weight anymore. It had nothing to do with you and it never will.

You took a calculated risk and expected a small thunderstorm – noisy, inconvenient, but not much else. But now the weather is calling a hurricane in your forecast and you will not come out unscathed. They say storms with a woman’s name are more deadly. People underestimate their punishing wrath until it’s too late.

Doesn’t that seem fitting for you?

So when you apologize, you’ll be drowned out by wind and rain.  And you better hope it doesn’t drown you too.

 

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