My Sole Mate?

Once upon a time, it was told that there were powerful people on Earth that planned to overthrow the Greek gods. Zeus responded by “splitting” humankind into two – male and female – leaving them too distracted and desperately yearning for their other half to be much a threat to the Greek gods. The gods lived in peace and people were too busy searching for the one to complete them. And we got a nice story that served as a foundation for our idea of what love and soul mates look like. Love was supposed to be natural and easy.


I used to think my husband and I were soul mates. It seemed incomprehensible that it would be luck that I would find someone that fit so well together with me. We shared similar interests, seemed to operate on the same wavelength, and even our flaws seemed to compliment each other.  The hopeless romantic in me envisioned that he was the only one for me.

My missing puzzle piece. 

I lived under that notion for years without realizing how much havoc it was creating in my relationship. The idea of soul mates created an unrealistic expectation on us and an unnecessary sense of urgency. How could I get frustrated or angry with my other half if we were meant to be? Why didn’t he seem to get me at times or why did miscommunication still happen? If we were soul mates, we needed to get this figured out ASAP because love was supposed to be easy.

It wasn’t until we were preparing to get married that I started to see things differently. Perhaps our life together wasn’t a result of two halves meeting each other. Perhaps there was a different story that brought us together.

Once upon a time, God created children – man and woman – to live with Him. But the children sinned and were separated from God.  It wasn’t until God sacrificed His son, Jesus, to die for everyone’s sins so the children be reunited with God. Because He loved us enough to pursue us. Humankind was born with a craving for connection that only God could satisfy and God created marriage as a way to model and share his love for His children.

In this story, love isn’t this mystical, predestined force hinging on the idea that we must find our other half. Love is the practice of patiently accepting God’s love in our life and choosing to share that love with others.

The bottom line is that love takes work – even when you seem to fit well.

We already receive perfect and complete love from God so that takes the pressure off of finding a spouse to satisfy that whole of completing us. And thank goodness for that because if your marriage is anything like mine, we need all the help we can get trying to love on our partner through life

Because while my husband isn’t my soul mate, he is still my sole mate. He is the only one for me and I couldn’t be happier.



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